An Amazing Easter Weekend

This past Easter weekend (two days ago) was perhaps one of the best weekends I recently have had. While these euphemisms (eupherism?) are often thrown around left and right, I sincerely believe mine was. The reasons are simple:

1. It rained heavily on Good Friday, throughout most of Saturday, became very sunny for most of Sunday and into Monday. The weather and the religious significance of the weekend were markedly in sync.
2. I felt it was very productive -- I did my homework, cleaned the house, and spent quality time with good friends. Even won a Settlers of Catan board game.
3. After Easter service, I went out for a good lunch with friends from church and afterward for some ice cream. A perfect meal in my book.
4. Extending into Monday, I worked remotely as my parents and brother did not return from their trip until late Sunday night. My brother did not have school on Monday and I took the opportunity to treat him to lunch. Afterward I opted to remain at home (thereby skipping class) for a family dinner. Work was pretty much finished in the morning.

One thing I do want to remember is the Sunday's message given at my church's Easter service. The focal point was on the resurrection power of Christ, who was raised back to life from a death for our sins. This brought to mind the passage in Romans (?) about how there is nothing at all that can separate us from the love of Christ, as we are more conquerors of anything that stands in our path. At times it can be difficult when unpleasant life events come our way, but it is important to remember the power granted to us through the resurrection. It is a power of healing, confidence and, most importantly, to love others.

Amongst the issues brought up by the speaker(s) was the resurrection power to heal broken relationships. Naturally I thought of Mandy and how our relationships has, truthfully, become very much fragmented, strained, and awkward. I often fluctuate between the sudden desire to speak with her and the fear of embarrassment -- or worse, causing a scene or an awkward moment for her. Therefore I have taken to avoiding her mostly, to which I think she acts very similarly. But this is no way to live. For one, we are not apart and interactions will come whether by our choice or not; for another, I still very much like her. I hope to take an opportunity in the near future to just communicate to her the sincere desire, devoid of personal sentiments (however hard that may be), to just "patch things up" so we may at very least be friends.

Limerence

According to Wikipedia, the untainted and unbiased source of all knowledge (satire alert), limerence is a psychological condition in which a person has uncontrollable attraction to another. This attraction is unique in that the individual also has an obsessive need to have his o her feelings reciprocated (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence).

Why am I discussing about this? Why because of Mandy of course. Over the past few weeks, I was delighted to discover that a very good friend of mine is interested in a roommate of Mandy's. We have since talked much about the current state of our relationships, in addition to the possibility of a double date. It's been very interesting actually...

At first it was apparent that my friend and I stood on different levels in our attraction/interest in our special other. For me, I liked Mandy for a few (3?) years now and I have long regarded her as the one who would make everything complete. For my friend, his interest is blossoming but it has only been a few months. We are similar in that we have both been turned down (I previously wrote in detail about my rejection). Nonetheless, it has been fun to speculate and strategize about future possibilities -- you could say there is a strong feeling of empathy for one another.

Now this has changed. We chatted yesterday morning, a long conversation in which he recounted how his affinity to his girl has developed into something more. I don't think the term "love" is yet appropriate but I got a sense that it definitely elevated to a higher level. There probably still remains a difference, but perhaps only by one degree whereas before it was two or three.

That being said, I think it is time to reevaluate where I stand currently with Mandy. In short, the honest answer is "not good" or "the same". We have not spoken to each other since she left for winter break and, despite seeing one another (I am sure she's seen me), we have not talked or anything. At times I think she purposely avoids me --and other times, I definitely try to avoid her. I think it's incredibly awkward...

...which comes back to the term I introduced in the beginning of this blog entry. Yesterday I was being "emo" (as my friend put it) and was searching around for the relevant music. Strangely, I came across Wikipedia entries on music by Bruno Mars and I chanced upon reading the term "Unrequited love" (for the song "Grenade"). I was immediately struck by this term, and thus proceeded to read about it. At first it seemed like a fitting description for my sentiments toward Mandy -- how the mere thought of her is often capable of conjuring a smile on my face-- but, as I consulted my dear friend, it seemed almost too serious. Now, I honestly love Mandy (or at very least am in love) with her, yet the term made me shudder. It seems both too serious and too deprecating. Therefore I continued my search and came across "limerence".

To be frank, limerence doesn't deviate much from what is described for "unrequited love". Limerence is more than just a crush: not only it is longer lasting, sometimes for many years, but the thinking is intrusive because it can paralyze thought processes through unending fantasy. It is also characterized by sudden mood swings between euphoria and despair, which depend on one's reflection about the chances of success. Finally, the affected individual often exhibits symptoms of addiction.

After reading these definitions and reflecting (I even re-read Mandy's "rejection email"), it dawned on me that in spite of stated plans to move on, my attempts have thus been half-hearted at best. Most of the time I still cling to the hope that she will one day do a 360, call me, and then everything will become a happily ever after. However, this is only fantasy kool-aid, one that I have drunk too much of already. I refuse to say never to the possibility, but I think the reality of those odds are closer to 1% than the 50% I have long ascribed to.

To help myself, I looked up a number of tips to help overcome the limerence for Mandy:

1. Accept that she doesn't feel the same for me.

2. Get my mind off her. Think about other things; refuse to fantasize (don't feed the monster).

3. Stay positive. Maybe express interest in another individual.

4. Laugh a lot and socialize with friends.

5. Avoid seeing her.

6. (And perhaps the most tricky one...) Do not resent her nor harbor any ill-feelings toward her.

Passage from Memoirs of Geisha

During a week filled with homework and work assignment, I made the foolish mistake of beginning to read the "Memoirs of Geisha" by Arthur Golden. I say foolish because I underestimated how good the book was -- last time I was so absorbed by a book was arguably Harry Potter (though I have a feeling I read something as addicting since...). I liked the cultural dimension that the book introduced, in addition to its very captivating plot. In many ways, it brought to mind reading the "Sound of Waves" back in high school. But this book was much more mature in content.

In particular, I want to discuss a passage I read that I thought quite descriptive. Or perhaps it is a passage I can identify with. It begins in chapter 9, as the narrator Chiyo (as a child) recounts the change of her attitude and outlook about her future. The character referenced, Mr. Tanaka, is responsible for selling her, along with her sister, to become geisha and prostitute respectively.

"I'm sure you'll recall my saying that the afternoon wen I first met Mr. Tanaka was the very best afternoon in my life, and also the very worst. Probably I don't need to explain why it was the worst; but you may be wondering how I could possibly imagine that anything good ever came of it. It's true that up until this time in my life Mr. Tanaka had brought me nothing but suffering; but he also changed my horizons forever. We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a course. If I'd never met Mr. Tanaka, my life would have been a simple stream flowing from our tipsy house to the ocean. Mr. Tanaka changed all that when he sent me out into the world. But being sent out into the world isn't necessarily the same as leaving your home behind you. I'd been in Gion more than six months by the time I received Mr. Tanaka's letter, and yet during that time, I'd never for a moment given up the belief that I would one day find a better life elsewhere, with at least part of my family I'd always known. I was living only half in Gion; the other half of me lived in my dreams of going home. This is why dreams can be such dangerous things: they smolder on like a fire does, and sometimes consume us completely."

The last line (which I bold-ed above) is the focus of my discussion: I think it is very true. Sometimes dreams are dangerous dreams as we become increasingly enamored by them, until eventually choosing to living/believing a dream rather than the reality. I know I am certainly guilty of commitment such a mistake -- Mandy remains incredibly amazing to me. What's interesting is the same line underpins the plot behind the movie "Inception". In one particular scene, the audience is shown an underground den full of people sleeping and dreaming. The host frankly states that these individuals have blurred reality and dream to such an extent that their dream have become their reality.

Government Budget (Woes)

It's been a few weeks since I wrote a blog entry. Once again, the reasons can mostly be attributed to a laziness impacted by work and schoolwork. Doesn't make much sense...but that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Anyway, I wanted to take this time to write about the current debates involving the national budget for the current fiscal year as well as for the future. Last week's potential government shutdown was avoided by the passing of a spending bill that seemed to satisfy the Republicans' demands for spending cuts -- approximately $40 billion for the rest of the fiscal year. This seems like a staggering amount but, on closer look, the cuts are probably less than $350 million. The reason you may ask? Most of the cuts from the budget are for non-existing programs, aka programs that are supposed to be instated in the future but now never will. But of course, most people do not understand this concept and thus only see the $40 billion number.

A couple of hours ago, it was announced that the U.S. House of Representatives (currently with a Republican majority) that seeks to $4.4 trillion from the budget for the next decade. Democrats are obviously in uproar over the fact that most cuts will come from social programs like Medicare and Medicaid. Republicans are probably grinning to themselves as they just cast a lighted bomb into the President's court. President Obama has only two choices: (1) defuse the bomb through his veto power, or (2) try to work a compromise with the Republicans. This logic is assuming the implausible scenario that the budget gets approved by the U.S. Senate.

I just wanted to express a few thoughts on two topics -- the first is about how these spending cuts are quantified, a very deceptive process. The second is about the nature of government and its role in society. As someone much influenced by neoclassical economics, I believe in a smaller government and allowing the people to determine their own lives.

First about how spending is quantified:

• As in all cases, the figure thrown out seems fantastic: $4.4 trillion compares to the annual $14 trillion of U.S. GDP. However, this figure is always an accumulated figure over a period of time. In this case, the time horizon is 10 years, which means that we are looking about an average of $440 billion per year. Now this still a very high figure but...
• ...this figure is the best-case-scenario, which means $440 billion is the most one can expect to cut from the spending. The real cuts will be significantly less. Furthermore, the time horizon of 10 years masks the fact that spending cuts is an exponential function if graphed: most cuts will occur at the end of the 10-year period, rather than the beginning. This brings up another important point...
• ...the fiscal budget for the federal government must be passed from year-to-year. This means that each administration and Congress can propose new budgets for the next year, and so forth. What are the odds the future governments will stick with this current budget? Answer is: zero, nada, not even if Republicans held both the executive and legislative branches for the next 10 years.
• In sum, the real spending cuts are very much insignificant given the above points. I'd be surprised if even $50 billion is cut from next year's budget (out of the supposed $440 billion proposed cuts).

Now about the role of government in society and how this relates to the budget:

• It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see where the bulk of the cuts is coming from: social safety programs like Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security to a lesser extent (I haven't seen the details so the last one is largely an assumption). Democrats are in uproar as well as senior citizens, since either their party platform or their livelihood is being targeted. After all, it was FDR, one of the greatest Democratic leaders, who lay the foundation for these programs.
• Democrats are also in uproar over the budget's proposal to streamline the current tax code and reduce taxes across the board. They (of course) push for the elimination of tax breaks for the wealthy. The general populace agree with them, as American corporations are making record profits and the annual list of millionaires/billionaires keeps growing.
• My opinion over the role of government is biased as a I studied economics back in college, and heavily influenced by libertarian ideas as in the writings of Milton Friedman. But I do think that social programs are not the best means to help the needy -- something I supported with a 100-page senior thesis. Social programs serve the good-intention of providing a safety net for individuals, but its mandatory nature is wrong and reduces in prodigious waste. In addition, they create a very negative disincentive for individuals to work and strive for better livelihoods. If it was a clear cut between social programs or no social programs, then I'd argue for the latter.
• But it is political suicide for any politician to push for a complete elimination of social programs, once they have been introduced. The only recourse is to reduce their scope and their impact on the country's finances -- which is actually the optimal (Pareto efficient) solution. In other words, we should have only a few social programs that are truly beneficial.
• For example, I do not understand the difference between Medicare and Medicaid (okay, I do but it seems redundant). I am all for helping out the poor and underprivileged, but creating a wholly different system to cater to their needs is not the answer. For one, it is not fair for the taxpayers who fund these systems; and for another, it creates a perverse incentive against "self-help".
• As someone who studied the negative income tax, I really believe it is the best means to resolve the social woes -- in addition to eliminating the requirement to contribute to social programs. Thus in an ideal world, I would see citizens as having the option to contribute or not to social programs (the latter of which means they would be excluded) and for government to pay out fixed income instead of an amalgam of different programs. Much like the tax code, if we create conditions, then the end-result would be many loops that people ultimately exploit.

I want to end by pointing out a monstrous thing about the budget: defense spending accounts for a good 1/3 of the government spending year-in and year-out. This is absolutely ridiculous!

iPad 2 Release Day

Long story short, my brother's birthday is coming up soon and I owe him a sizable gift. Originally I planned to buy him a new Xbox 360 with Kinect but, at my parents' (read: mom's) protest, this will probably now become an iPad 2. I personally dislike Apple products but my brother's a fan -- and it's his birthday after all.

Just read the following post on Engadget concerning people waiting outside in long lines for the iPad 2 (I still envy that brand power!). The post can be found here:

http://www.engadget.com/2011/03/11/ipad-2-line-watch-the-few-the-proud-the-soaking-wet/

I refer to the post because I just read a hilarious comment made by a reader. Now, the recent tragedy in Japan (earthquake + tsunami) is no laughing matter and I fully express my condolences to all those affected. But the comment is simply hilarious:

Commenter 1: These guy deserved a tsunami more than Japan. Joy to the sight of iFans piling up together griping their iPads and looking for an apps to help them out. Do you have an apps for that?

Commenter 2: iSwim and iDrown. Unfortunately iSwim didn't want to let Apple take their 30% protection fee.

Personal Struggle: Hypocrisy

One of the (numerous) struggles I've been dealing with of late is hypocrisy. Hypocrisy in my definition is "performing an action or dwelling on a thought, while knowing very well of its vices and undesirability". It essentially means believing or acting against one's better judgement. The funny thing is, we can trick ourselves to supersede our better judgement. This is perhaps best illustrated with examples.

First example: Paycheck = measure of success or identity?

As a Christian, this is completely against my beliefs as one's wealth should not be measured by materialism. Our treasure is not stored in vases on Earth but in heaven. On another level (though not unrelated), I understand that money has little correlation with happiness. This is evidenced by stories of people's lives ruined due to wealth -- whether they be professional athletes or lottery winners. Greed is very real and a terribly consuming sin.

The above being said, I must admit it is difficult not to judge others by the size of their paycheck and subsequently measure myself to them accordingly. (This problem is compounded by the fact that I work with HR data, e.g. salary). When the person you measure to earns more than you with others things held similar -- for example, age and experience-- it is hard to not lose self-esteem. Or reduce personal self-worth.

Second example: Myopic-ness

I take some pride in my ability (or bad habit) to plan for things, especially for future events. I like to, say, establish a monthly budget or set goals to hit. This habit is evident in a previous post, about my personal goals for the next months and years. Yet in spite of this ability to plan, I often fall short of my personal plans. Not sure if this is a result of insufficient conviction or will, but it does happen much more than I like. Case in point: surfing the internet aimlessly when the better course of action is to develop software skills (blogging included), etc.

I believe the fundamental problem here is short-sightedness, or temporary myopic-ness. I say "temporary" because I am able to keep goals in mind. It is mainly in the moment that I sometimes lose sight of things and hence prone to satisfying momentary desires. Only thereafter do I realize I probably could have done something vastly better than, for instance, surf on the internet and reading about basketball news for a few hours. Or daydreaming about this girl called Mandy...

Craigslist

Over the past couple of months, I have been essentially addicted to Craigslist. (It's been a little longer than that actually...maybe since graduation). At first the need to find a paralegal job led to Craigslist because these jobs were relatively short term and law firms often needed to fill positions quickly. I have applied to other jobs through Craigslist before but they did not seem to go anywhere. Odds of success (measured in a recruiter response) was probably less than 10%.

Lately the use of Craigslist has been to find housing or furniture in the Washington D.C. area. To this end, I believe Craigslist is the most effective means of searching; effectiveness is measured by the time, relevance, and number of responses received. For a cash-strapped young professional, the ability to search for local deals while restricting prices shown is extremely well-received. (I have no objections to buying second hand for the right items -- which probably is not the case with everyone.)

Amongst examples of my success with Craigslist:

• Finding housing for much lower than market value. Although the housing I found is shared with strangers, it has worked out well for my needs. For instance, I currently pay $450 a month for a room in a 4-bedroom apartment in Arlington VA...all utilities and internet included. It's not within walking distance to a metro station but good enough for me.
• Acquiring matching bedroom furniture for about $200 altogether. I purchased mostly Ikea furniture: queen bed frame ($60), desk ($25), book shelf ($10), dresser ($20), and a nightstand/cabinet (free). The most expensive acquisition was the mattress, which I purchased for $100 (for a Simmons Beautyrest Classic). I'm still a little bummed about the latter but it wasn't a bad deal in hindsight.

The biggest downsides to purchasing on Craigslist are (1) time taken to search, (2) possibility of scams, and (3) transportation to pickup items.

The first is perhaps the biggest obstacle: unless one has vast amounts of free time to search out desired items, one isn't going to find good deals. Time accounts for the amount spent on search, correspondence with seller, and time taken to actually go through with the transaction. In retrospect, I have spent more than the optimal amount of time on Craigslist looking for things to purchase. The "Free" section in particular sucks time away like no one else's business -- due to the fact that people are giving away things for free. Every now and then, the "free" item can be quite valuable.

Secondly, there are scams present throughout Craigslist. It is everywhere from jobs, to housing, to sale of items. My personal experience has been with housing. When I started looking for housing, I initially came across a listing for a 1-bedroom apartment in Arlington VA for about $900. (For those unfamiliar with housing prices in Arlington, a 1-bedroom located within walking distance to the metro costs at least $1300 per month). What's more, the ad said utilities and internet were all included! After a few email exchanges with the poster, who claimed to be a disabled wife of a international volunteer intending to rent out their apartment, I became skeptical because I was told to wire a deposit before I could see the apartment. I almost bit since the deal seemed almost too good to be true. Ultimately, I realized the scam after looking up the destination of the wire transfer: Western Union, a bank notorious for the so-called Nigerian scams. There was another instance of a possible scam, but I was wiser this second time. Lesson learned: always inspect the place before making any decisions.

Thirdly, one has to have at least a car to purchase items from Craigslist. While public transportation is possible, it is both unreliable and unwieldy if the desired item is sizable. This is especially true of furniture pieces like futon, tables, or couches. One of the reasons most of the furniture I brought were Ikea was because they could be broken down (still took me a number of trips to transport everything). Now, my Honda Civic pleasantly surprised me of its ability to fit large items (e.g. A QUEEN SIZED MATTRESS) but I recommend a larger vehicle. This means that if you don't own or know someone who owns a truck or a van, it will add additional transportation cost.

I personally recommend Craigslist for things like furniture, because it can be purchased at least half of retail price while still in very good condition. This is particularly true of tools -- less true for things you come into daily contact with, e.g. a mattress. Think of it as a means to protect the environment too.