About 3 years ago, I wrote a post about Apple's iPhone 5C and its potentially hidden business proposition for the company. At the time the debut of the iPhone 5C was perplexing given that it was essentially an all-around inferior product to Apple's newest flagship, the iPhone 5S, and even lesser compared to the previous iPhone 5. Pundits and critics everywhere reasoned that Apple may have overplayed its hand in being so explicit in its targeting of the emerging markets - in particular China, as supposedly the "c" represented that country.
Fast forward 3 years and it looks like these critics were right: Apple has never again released a product like the iPhone 5c. It looks like a failure that the company is eager to move on from and forget. But as I conjectured back in 2013, the iPhone 5c likely had a hidden value proposition of making its superior cousin more attractive in the eyes of the consumer. In other words, Apple may not have cared about how many units of the iPhone 5c it sold or even if the product made a profit at all. Because its main purpose was create a perception that the iPhone 5S was of better value and convince potential customers to buy it instead. In behavioral economic theory, this is known as "relativity" - the human tendency to compare products against one another. Unlike Android or even Windows Phone, there are no other companies other than Apple making iPhones; therefore Apple has to take it upon themselves to create this sense of relativity, that the iPhone 5S is a truly amazing device.
So how does this all relate to the title of this blog post? Without rehashing what all the tech blogs and news outlets have reported, Google earlier today announced 2 new phones under the names of the Pixel and Pixel XL. This marks Google's first official foray into the lucrative smartphone business - since they never marketed a phone under the name "Google" while owning Motorola. On paper, both smartphones are very capable devices with some unique distinctive advantages compared to the competition. They have fast processors, good screens, and brilliant software. But akin to the reception of the iPhone 5c, it seems like everyone is criticizing Google for its pricing structure of starting at $649 for the lowest model. Essentially, the criticism is that Google is taking a page out of Apple's iPhone playbook by creating a direct competitor. And that it'll inevitably fail because no one can play Apple's game besides Apple itself.
But once again, my hypothesis is that Google's true intention isn't to sell the Pixel phones for profit or even break even point. I don't think they even care for how many units it sells ultimately. The real business reason is, rather, to reinvigorate the Android market and challenge the other manufacturers to stay on top of the game. The comparative example is arguably Microsoft's Surface business. Microsoft essentially created a new market by themselves in the 2-in-1 segment of tablets, to the extent that it's now a staple in every PC manufacturer's marketing brochure and even copied by Apple into their iPad Pro product. Likewise the Google Pixel phones are meant to motivate and inspire the Android manufacturers, especially towards the upper end of the market in pricing and features. We'll see if this is a true or false hypothesis.
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Phases of Life - My Phase 3
Oh man I really haven't posted since February of this year?? Now I'm super duper bummed out.....not. It's not that I don't value you few readers out there, but it seems like this year has been flying by at breakneck speed. Without further adieu though, I'll grace you with my newest entry below.
I've been traveling a lot this year. And when I mean "a lot", I do really mean it's been a lot lot of traveling. Think of somewhere internationally at least once every 2 months. Strictly for fun and no work. So during my last trip to the Southern Hemisphere, I had a new thought about the modern life and how it can be divided into distinct phases. Thus the title of this blog post.
The so-called "Phases of Life" are inherently subjective and unique to each individual. Yet at the same time, it's a useful tool to categorize individuals since there's no phenotype-defining or mathematically-formulaic features like hair color, race, and age. For example, I could be in the same phase of life as someone much older, of a completely different ethnicity, background or even gender. It's probably easier to understand if I first define what these phases could look like.
Phase 1 - Post-College, First Job, Master's degree
Rather than start all the way from childhood, I'll define my Phase 1 as my post-college self. Coincidentally it was that person who started this blog. This version of me was quite unsure of himself, but excited at being finally independent and having moved to a new city. I remember these years as thrilling yet uncertain - thrilling because of all the potential to be and do, but uncertain due to inexperience and fear of failure.
Phase 2 - Career Progression, Homeownership, Wanderlust
In my mind, there was a clear delineation between the first and second phases due to my job change. But it was much more than a job change. Over a span of 3 months, not only did I change jobs and make more money, but I also became a homeowner. I thought about back then how that would change my mindset....and it did happen. This was followed by a totally unplanned period of wanderlust, of prolific traveling across the world. It was addicting, enthralling, but also introduced a sense of nomadic living and unable to live a "normal/typical" city life. Therefore my goal is to make this the last year of this.
Phase 3 - Marriage, Houseownership, Dogownership, Entrepreneurial Success
This is the phase on the horizon and what a massive phase it is. I'm not sure how long it'll span (3-4 years) but certainly a lot of things packed in here. In contrast to the previous phases of singlehood, this one is punctuated by becoming married in addition to buying an actual house. I've always wanted to have a dog so why not lump it into this phase too? And last but not least, this is likely the last phase I'll have to really strive to be an entrepreneur so it's time to make it or break it.
Phase 4 - Fatherhood, Financial Independence, ???
The post-future phase if you will, since it's the one after the next one. I can only imagine what it'll look like, though assuming it'll be punctuated by another major life event: becoming a father. That'll certainly profoundly change my life. Hopefully I'll be financially independent by the time that happens?
So as you can see above, these are my interpretations of my own life and where I am currently - also where I'm headed. What about yours?
I've been traveling a lot this year. And when I mean "a lot", I do really mean it's been a lot lot of traveling. Think of somewhere internationally at least once every 2 months. Strictly for fun and no work. So during my last trip to the Southern Hemisphere, I had a new thought about the modern life and how it can be divided into distinct phases. Thus the title of this blog post.
The so-called "Phases of Life" are inherently subjective and unique to each individual. Yet at the same time, it's a useful tool to categorize individuals since there's no phenotype-defining or mathematically-formulaic features like hair color, race, and age. For example, I could be in the same phase of life as someone much older, of a completely different ethnicity, background or even gender. It's probably easier to understand if I first define what these phases could look like.
Phase 1 - Post-College, First Job, Master's degree
Rather than start all the way from childhood, I'll define my Phase 1 as my post-college self. Coincidentally it was that person who started this blog. This version of me was quite unsure of himself, but excited at being finally independent and having moved to a new city. I remember these years as thrilling yet uncertain - thrilling because of all the potential to be and do, but uncertain due to inexperience and fear of failure.
Phase 2 - Career Progression, Homeownership, Wanderlust
In my mind, there was a clear delineation between the first and second phases due to my job change. But it was much more than a job change. Over a span of 3 months, not only did I change jobs and make more money, but I also became a homeowner. I thought about back then how that would change my mindset....and it did happen. This was followed by a totally unplanned period of wanderlust, of prolific traveling across the world. It was addicting, enthralling, but also introduced a sense of nomadic living and unable to live a "normal/typical" city life. Therefore my goal is to make this the last year of this.
Phase 3 - Marriage, Houseownership, Dogownership, Entrepreneurial Success
This is the phase on the horizon and what a massive phase it is. I'm not sure how long it'll span (3-4 years) but certainly a lot of things packed in here. In contrast to the previous phases of singlehood, this one is punctuated by becoming married in addition to buying an actual house. I've always wanted to have a dog so why not lump it into this phase too? And last but not least, this is likely the last phase I'll have to really strive to be an entrepreneur so it's time to make it or break it.
Phase 4 - Fatherhood, Financial Independence, ???
The post-future phase if you will, since it's the one after the next one. I can only imagine what it'll look like, though assuming it'll be punctuated by another major life event: becoming a father. That'll certainly profoundly change my life. Hopefully I'll be financially independent by the time that happens?
So as you can see above, these are my interpretations of my own life and where I am currently - also where I'm headed. What about yours?
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Personal Life Maxims
I've been pondering on this for a while and figured I'd finally jot down (and share) on the "maxims" I strive to live by. Sometimes I fall short but try to live by the following as much as possible. In my opinion, "maxims" are the foundations or a set of rules one aspires to uphold all the time and in every situation.
In no particular order:
1. "Dance with the one who brought you."
Keyword - loyalty
This is an expression I read in Randy Pausch's famous "Last Lecture" book, and speaks beyond just the phenomenon of attending a dance (e.g. prom, gala, etc.) with a partner. It should be applied to all areas of life, including work relations, friends, and even family. While it may be tempting to jump ship for whatever benefits a new opportunity holds, it means more to stay the course and standby the people who gave you the initial opportunity. Not only is it about loyalty, but also being thankful to those who helped you in the past.
A personal example happened last year, shortly after I started work as a federal employee. Deloitte made me a generous offer that I ultimately declined. The backstory is they had tried to recruit me months prior but couldn't make an offer due to hiring freeze at the time. Overall it was an agonizing decision because it seemed like a perfect fit for my background in finance/economics but also mixed in IT project management. I pondered, spoke to my boss, and in the end decided to stay the course. The main reason was understanding the effort my boss had put it to bring me onboard, and his plans to help me develop. That's not to say I will forever remain in this position, but for now that is the case.
2. "I have no special talent; I'm only passionately curious about everything."
Keyword - humility
This is a quotation from Albert Einstein, who I presume was speaking about the perception that he was a supremely talented and a natural-born genius. The lesson to learn here is that opportunities come and go, oftentimes completely independent of our actions or abilities. Again, it's about the people who helped us get somewhere and perhaps of a higher power that granted us the opportunity. It's not about self-deprecation but acknowledging that we're not omnipotent and should never be fully comfortable with where we are. This should especially translate to our interactions with those around us, regardless of their position compared to our own. We're in this together.
My personal example is constantly reminding myself that despite of my position as a manager, I'm not much better than anyone else from the streets. I'm where I am and do what I do because of my team, boss, organization, friends, family, and God. This helps keeps things in perspective.
3. "Count your blessings."
Keyword - thankfulness
As a so-called "go-getter", I find myself sometimes unhappy because something didn't happen or work out that would have improved my life considerably or even marginally. In my striving towards things like career development and romantic relationships, I take the things and people I have for granted. I suspect I'm not the only one who does this, but it's a flawed person trait I try to right. It's almost an incessant questioning of what we lack that, if held unchecked, can cause us to be depressed when we ought to be experiencing the complete opposite.
I don't have a concrete example to share, other than being mindful of things like how I have gainful employment, live in a war-free zone, and am essentially the master of my own destiny. I'm not even hindered by any allergies or physical abnormalities. Most of the world can't even come close to that. In the end it's about finding a balance between striving towards goals yet being cognizant of the present situation, being grateful for the countless good things we have.
4. "If you have the power to make a difference, you should put it to good use."
Keyword - generosity
I like to combine this one with another lesson from Randy Pausch's book, called "enabling the dreams of others." This expression itself comes from an anime show I used to watch long ago, about young pilot trying to protect his friends during a massive war. While this sounds like the common phrase of "paying it forward" and is generally in the same spirit, in my opinion it's bigger picture. Making a difference isn't easy and the hardest part is recognizing those opportunities to make an impact, for someone or a specific cause. Oftentimes it involves going out of your way for someone else, group of people, or organization, to help them achieve their dream.
In many ways, the lesson is being unselfish and recognizing that we are altogether instead of living in our own paneled homes. So why shouldn't we help out our fellow man, woman, or child? There's again an undertone of being grateful for what we have and wanting to share our perceived successes. Another take on this is that I owe it to not myself but to others to take action, to fight off the inclination to be apathetic and defer to someone else to do something greater. We each have more power to make a difference than we first think.
5. "Cherish your loved ones."
Keyword - priority
This one is a no-brainer but it's funny how quickly we can forget about this and instead be devoted to other things like our hobbies and careers. Workaholic-ism is an openly admired trait in our society, especially for private companies where there is no extraneous benefits like overtime. But when we take a step back and think about it, no one wishes they had worked more in their deathbeds. We'd always wish that we had more time to spend with our families, friends, and other loved ones (e.g. pets). In a way, it's recognizing and remembering the fragility of life and how we may live differently if we knew today was our last. I suspect our priorities would change dramatically shift if that was the case.
6. "Understand your Detroit and accepting that you can't go."
Keyword - peace
This maxim derives from a book by Jack Welch I read and comes from the example of a GE employee that was offered a terrific position by another company, that happened to be located in Detroit rather than the city he was working in. The decision should have been a no-brainer except for the fact that the employee had a family to take care of, whom were well planted in their existing location. In the end, he chose not to take the position. The lesson is that many opportunities will come up throughout our lives, sometimes amazing opportunities that we eventually have to turn down for one reason or another. In the example given, it was family but could be almost anything. The import thing is to accept the reasons why we can't take up those opportunities and thus be willing to let them go.
This is different from Maxim #1 because the emphasis isn't so much on loyalty as on circumstances and the potential adverse impact of our actions on others around us. Ultimately it's about being at peace with our decisions and moving on, rather than frequently looking back and wondering the "what could've been". Life is too short to be burdened down with regret and if you're optimistic, then you'll realize that other amazing opportunities will come along. Maybe not today but probably tomorrow. One door closing now doesn't mean it won't be open again in the future, or another door be opened for you.
7. "Be so good they can't ignore you."
Keyword - dedication
This is word-for-word the title of a book by Cal Newport, who preached his belief there's an overglorification in our society today on pursuing our so-called passions. He argues instead that it should be the other way around: passion for our work comes second to our skills; the more we practice our skills, the more enjoyment we get from doing our work and the benefits of career progress (e.g. salary increase, position growth) follow. I found the book to be incredibly well-written and influential to challenging my former ideas about work. Aside from dedication, the other lesson here is about commitment to a specific craft and the hidden benefits that would come from that.
In this sense, this maxim applies to a lot of other areas of life and not just about careers. The obvious implication is in personal relationships, about being committed to a certain friendship, familial relations, or a special someone. This is especially true when we're first starting out on the last one. As a personal example, I've been dipping into the world of online dating the past few months and was immediately hit by the sheer number of potential partners. At first I approach each date purposely, but eventually took a more casual approach. This is something I saw in some of the dates I saw too, particularly those who admitted they had a lot of online dates. Slowly I changed and came into each date with a diminished sense of commitment, a little more impatient and more ready to jump ship at the first sign of incompatibility. The results spoke for themselves (e.g. nothing). Having realized this, I'm now trying to approach one in a more committed manner and try harder...if there aren't any potential dealbreakers.
In no particular order:
1. "Dance with the one who brought you."
Keyword - loyalty
A personal example happened last year, shortly after I started work as a federal employee. Deloitte made me a generous offer that I ultimately declined. The backstory is they had tried to recruit me months prior but couldn't make an offer due to hiring freeze at the time. Overall it was an agonizing decision because it seemed like a perfect fit for my background in finance/economics but also mixed in IT project management. I pondered, spoke to my boss, and in the end decided to stay the course. The main reason was understanding the effort my boss had put it to bring me onboard, and his plans to help me develop. That's not to say I will forever remain in this position, but for now that is the case.
2. "I have no special talent; I'm only passionately curious about everything."
Keyword - humility
This is a quotation from Albert Einstein, who I presume was speaking about the perception that he was a supremely talented and a natural-born genius. The lesson to learn here is that opportunities come and go, oftentimes completely independent of our actions or abilities. Again, it's about the people who helped us get somewhere and perhaps of a higher power that granted us the opportunity. It's not about self-deprecation but acknowledging that we're not omnipotent and should never be fully comfortable with where we are. This should especially translate to our interactions with those around us, regardless of their position compared to our own. We're in this together.
My personal example is constantly reminding myself that despite of my position as a manager, I'm not much better than anyone else from the streets. I'm where I am and do what I do because of my team, boss, organization, friends, family, and God. This helps keeps things in perspective.
3. "Count your blessings."
Keyword - thankfulness
As a so-called "go-getter", I find myself sometimes unhappy because something didn't happen or work out that would have improved my life considerably or even marginally. In my striving towards things like career development and romantic relationships, I take the things and people I have for granted. I suspect I'm not the only one who does this, but it's a flawed person trait I try to right. It's almost an incessant questioning of what we lack that, if held unchecked, can cause us to be depressed when we ought to be experiencing the complete opposite.
I don't have a concrete example to share, other than being mindful of things like how I have gainful employment, live in a war-free zone, and am essentially the master of my own destiny. I'm not even hindered by any allergies or physical abnormalities. Most of the world can't even come close to that. In the end it's about finding a balance between striving towards goals yet being cognizant of the present situation, being grateful for the countless good things we have.
4. "If you have the power to make a difference, you should put it to good use."
Keyword - generosity
I like to combine this one with another lesson from Randy Pausch's book, called "enabling the dreams of others." This expression itself comes from an anime show I used to watch long ago, about young pilot trying to protect his friends during a massive war. While this sounds like the common phrase of "paying it forward" and is generally in the same spirit, in my opinion it's bigger picture. Making a difference isn't easy and the hardest part is recognizing those opportunities to make an impact, for someone or a specific cause. Oftentimes it involves going out of your way for someone else, group of people, or organization, to help them achieve their dream.
In many ways, the lesson is being unselfish and recognizing that we are altogether instead of living in our own paneled homes. So why shouldn't we help out our fellow man, woman, or child? There's again an undertone of being grateful for what we have and wanting to share our perceived successes. Another take on this is that I owe it to not myself but to others to take action, to fight off the inclination to be apathetic and defer to someone else to do something greater. We each have more power to make a difference than we first think.
5. "Cherish your loved ones."
Keyword - priority
This one is a no-brainer but it's funny how quickly we can forget about this and instead be devoted to other things like our hobbies and careers. Workaholic-ism is an openly admired trait in our society, especially for private companies where there is no extraneous benefits like overtime. But when we take a step back and think about it, no one wishes they had worked more in their deathbeds. We'd always wish that we had more time to spend with our families, friends, and other loved ones (e.g. pets). In a way, it's recognizing and remembering the fragility of life and how we may live differently if we knew today was our last. I suspect our priorities would change dramatically shift if that was the case.
6. "Understand your Detroit and accepting that you can't go."
Keyword - peace
This maxim derives from a book by Jack Welch I read and comes from the example of a GE employee that was offered a terrific position by another company, that happened to be located in Detroit rather than the city he was working in. The decision should have been a no-brainer except for the fact that the employee had a family to take care of, whom were well planted in their existing location. In the end, he chose not to take the position. The lesson is that many opportunities will come up throughout our lives, sometimes amazing opportunities that we eventually have to turn down for one reason or another. In the example given, it was family but could be almost anything. The import thing is to accept the reasons why we can't take up those opportunities and thus be willing to let them go.
This is different from Maxim #1 because the emphasis isn't so much on loyalty as on circumstances and the potential adverse impact of our actions on others around us. Ultimately it's about being at peace with our decisions and moving on, rather than frequently looking back and wondering the "what could've been". Life is too short to be burdened down with regret and if you're optimistic, then you'll realize that other amazing opportunities will come along. Maybe not today but probably tomorrow. One door closing now doesn't mean it won't be open again in the future, or another door be opened for you.
7. "Be so good they can't ignore you."
Keyword - dedication
This is word-for-word the title of a book by Cal Newport, who preached his belief there's an overglorification in our society today on pursuing our so-called passions. He argues instead that it should be the other way around: passion for our work comes second to our skills; the more we practice our skills, the more enjoyment we get from doing our work and the benefits of career progress (e.g. salary increase, position growth) follow. I found the book to be incredibly well-written and influential to challenging my former ideas about work. Aside from dedication, the other lesson here is about commitment to a specific craft and the hidden benefits that would come from that.
In this sense, this maxim applies to a lot of other areas of life and not just about careers. The obvious implication is in personal relationships, about being committed to a certain friendship, familial relations, or a special someone. This is especially true when we're first starting out on the last one. As a personal example, I've been dipping into the world of online dating the past few months and was immediately hit by the sheer number of potential partners. At first I approach each date purposely, but eventually took a more casual approach. This is something I saw in some of the dates I saw too, particularly those who admitted they had a lot of online dates. Slowly I changed and came into each date with a diminished sense of commitment, a little more impatient and more ready to jump ship at the first sign of incompatibility. The results spoke for themselves (e.g. nothing). Having realized this, I'm now trying to approach one in a more committed manner and try harder...if there aren't any potential dealbreakers.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
All the Pieces of My Life
There are times in our lives when moments of clarity occur, when everything makes sense and you marvel at its beauty. These are instances in which we are able to transcend beyond our momentary joy, sorrow, pain, and disappointments and look at the so-called "big picture". For me, such a time as this happened yesterday as I left the office, strapped on my helmet, and proceeded to bike home. It had been an exhaustive day, compounded by the previous night's over-physical exertion at playing basketball. In short, I felt physically and mentally drained -- ready for nothing better than a long nap.
But as I climbed onto my bike and started the journey home, something amazing hit me. As I began to consider about my accomplishments and endeavors recently, I realized just how blessed a life I have lived and how blessed I have been. This thought quickly turned into a "high" that stayed with me for the rest of the evening. (Regrettably, I should have written this blog post last night instead of the day after. I don't feel exactly the same as yesterday....)
These past few months have been a trying time in my life, as I wrestled with failures/disappointments, struggled through various ordeals, and challenged to do many things. One has been the seemingly never-ending search for a new job as I am being laid off my current position. Ironically, I fully understood that it was going to be about attrition but nonetheless felt burned out from all the applying and interviewing. Despite telling myself that I would restart my job applications after returning from my recent vacation to China, I have not posted a single job application since my return. I suppose I either lowered my expectations or gave up entirely -- opting to see through the leads that I had on hand. Admittedly I had grown bitter at my current position, particularly from a perceived sense of being underutilized as well as underappreciated. The latter being highlighted after an insinuation from my manager that in spite of being in line for a promotion, that I wouldn't be because "I wasn't ready." I have been waiting to hear back from the federal government for a new position, in addition from AOL for a seemingly career-moving new role. However, both seemed to be moving very slow and I was beginning to hate the uncertainly of it all.
The second major area of struggle was with relationships with others, namely in dating. Most repeat readers of this blog now should know about the girl named "Mandy", who has left this country last year for her motherland...indefinitely. I had fallen hard for her and it was incredibly depressing at the time to have walked away with nothing but half-empty memories. In the months since, I have told myself to forget about her and move on to someone else -- striving to believe in the proverbial "plenty of fish in the sea" saying. But alas, things simply have not worked out. The girlfriend I liked the most has been someone significantly older in age and, while age wasn't absolutely, it remains a powerful determinant of our habits and thinking. In short, it eventually dawned upon both of us that we were at different stages in our lives; for her my numerous pursuits were a worrying sign of "restlessness" whereas for me, her comfort with the status quo and constant exhaustion overcame her cuteness. We broke up after about 4 months of dating and I'm single again. Since attending a coworker's wedding a week ago, the thought of what could have been with Mandy awakened bitterness that I thought was put to rest.
The third and final major area of struggle is the contrast between where I am and where I want to be. In other words, how I measured against the expectations I had cast on myself and the things that I wanted. For example, I wanted to buy a condo or a house but this likelihood is greatly diminished by the lack of capital in face of Arlington's insane real estate prices. Other examples include a new sports car, a cool dog, and being able to buy parents a lakefront house. Are you beginning to see the pattern? All these things require finances that I do not have, but deeply longing for. Since returning from China, I have visibly been thinking more about money and how to make more of it to spend. But not just spending it on myself. I long for the ability to help others in a significant manner, such as being able to lift my entire extended family out of poverty.
All three struggles or challenges articulated, now let us return to that moment of enlightenment discussed in the beginning. I think I realized something yesterday, something so profound that it affects my own opinion of the future and of my own capabilities. This thing is: endeavor coupled together with persistence. From my recent adventures on Udacity to learn about entrepreneurship, it dawned upon me that my greatest asset is a refusal to succumb to determinism. Personally, it pains me to not strive for something that I want; failures will come and it hurts like hell when I fail, but the silver lining is knowing that I tried to do something rather than doing nothing. The positive term for this is constant "self-improvement" and a lesser term is being a "perfectionist". This is the reason why I have started my own consulting company last year, and the same reason I want to open a restaurant despite a complete lack of industry knowledge and expertise.
In addition to endeavoring, I realized that I had become too focused on the things I thought I lacked and on the things that did not work out. In other words, realizing that I had become a cynic. I had increasingly mired myself with thoughts about not having achieved what I wanted, when all along there are much more important things at play. Or more importantly, there are things I did achieve. I am in a very different place where I was even a few months ago -- less naive perhaps, but a more mature and altogether better self. I discovered a resilience that I didn't know I had, as well as creativity that I believed was only found in artists. For all the things I didn't have, I still have wonderful things like a cohesive family, good health, gainful employment, and awesome friends. I think in hindsight I have made the most of the majority of the opportunities given, taken action when I could. Even when I shouldn't have, I took action and did something. Even when I failed, I learned valuable lessons.
Life, as they say, is beautiful. It is also what you make of it. Don't get caught up in the little things, nor try fruitlessly to restore karma to the world. Be open minded and strive for the things you want. As Conan said, "work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen". I'll also add something from a proverbs book I read -- "shoot for the moon, if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars".
But as I climbed onto my bike and started the journey home, something amazing hit me. As I began to consider about my accomplishments and endeavors recently, I realized just how blessed a life I have lived and how blessed I have been. This thought quickly turned into a "high" that stayed with me for the rest of the evening. (Regrettably, I should have written this blog post last night instead of the day after. I don't feel exactly the same as yesterday....)
These past few months have been a trying time in my life, as I wrestled with failures/disappointments, struggled through various ordeals, and challenged to do many things. One has been the seemingly never-ending search for a new job as I am being laid off my current position. Ironically, I fully understood that it was going to be about attrition but nonetheless felt burned out from all the applying and interviewing. Despite telling myself that I would restart my job applications after returning from my recent vacation to China, I have not posted a single job application since my return. I suppose I either lowered my expectations or gave up entirely -- opting to see through the leads that I had on hand. Admittedly I had grown bitter at my current position, particularly from a perceived sense of being underutilized as well as underappreciated. The latter being highlighted after an insinuation from my manager that in spite of being in line for a promotion, that I wouldn't be because "I wasn't ready." I have been waiting to hear back from the federal government for a new position, in addition from AOL for a seemingly career-moving new role. However, both seemed to be moving very slow and I was beginning to hate the uncertainly of it all.
The second major area of struggle was with relationships with others, namely in dating. Most repeat readers of this blog now should know about the girl named "Mandy", who has left this country last year for her motherland...indefinitely. I had fallen hard for her and it was incredibly depressing at the time to have walked away with nothing but half-empty memories. In the months since, I have told myself to forget about her and move on to someone else -- striving to believe in the proverbial "plenty of fish in the sea" saying. But alas, things simply have not worked out. The girlfriend I liked the most has been someone significantly older in age and, while age wasn't absolutely, it remains a powerful determinant of our habits and thinking. In short, it eventually dawned upon both of us that we were at different stages in our lives; for her my numerous pursuits were a worrying sign of "restlessness" whereas for me, her comfort with the status quo and constant exhaustion overcame her cuteness. We broke up after about 4 months of dating and I'm single again. Since attending a coworker's wedding a week ago, the thought of what could have been with Mandy awakened bitterness that I thought was put to rest.
The third and final major area of struggle is the contrast between where I am and where I want to be. In other words, how I measured against the expectations I had cast on myself and the things that I wanted. For example, I wanted to buy a condo or a house but this likelihood is greatly diminished by the lack of capital in face of Arlington's insane real estate prices. Other examples include a new sports car, a cool dog, and being able to buy parents a lakefront house. Are you beginning to see the pattern? All these things require finances that I do not have, but deeply longing for. Since returning from China, I have visibly been thinking more about money and how to make more of it to spend. But not just spending it on myself. I long for the ability to help others in a significant manner, such as being able to lift my entire extended family out of poverty.
All three struggles or challenges articulated, now let us return to that moment of enlightenment discussed in the beginning. I think I realized something yesterday, something so profound that it affects my own opinion of the future and of my own capabilities. This thing is: endeavor coupled together with persistence. From my recent adventures on Udacity to learn about entrepreneurship, it dawned upon me that my greatest asset is a refusal to succumb to determinism. Personally, it pains me to not strive for something that I want; failures will come and it hurts like hell when I fail, but the silver lining is knowing that I tried to do something rather than doing nothing. The positive term for this is constant "self-improvement" and a lesser term is being a "perfectionist". This is the reason why I have started my own consulting company last year, and the same reason I want to open a restaurant despite a complete lack of industry knowledge and expertise.
In addition to endeavoring, I realized that I had become too focused on the things I thought I lacked and on the things that did not work out. In other words, realizing that I had become a cynic. I had increasingly mired myself with thoughts about not having achieved what I wanted, when all along there are much more important things at play. Or more importantly, there are things I did achieve. I am in a very different place where I was even a few months ago -- less naive perhaps, but a more mature and altogether better self. I discovered a resilience that I didn't know I had, as well as creativity that I believed was only found in artists. For all the things I didn't have, I still have wonderful things like a cohesive family, good health, gainful employment, and awesome friends. I think in hindsight I have made the most of the majority of the opportunities given, taken action when I could. Even when I shouldn't have, I took action and did something. Even when I failed, I learned valuable lessons.
Life, as they say, is beautiful. It is also what you make of it. Don't get caught up in the little things, nor try fruitlessly to restore karma to the world. Be open minded and strive for the things you want. As Conan said, "work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen". I'll also add something from a proverbs book I read -- "shoot for the moon, if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars".
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Stages of Relationships
Last year I remembered watching a short film produced by the (excellent) film-making crew at WongFu Productions, a trio of recent graduates from SoCal who leverage their Asian background to explore current social themes/issues. This short film was titled "Strangers Again" and explored the essence of how relationships are formed and dissolved. It starred a number of YouTube personalities like Cathy Nguyen and was a considerable hit. I saw it, liked it, and...promptly forgot about it -- the reason being that the ending, though realistic, was also depressing.
Earlier today I was having a conversation with a close friend about the stages of relationships, and this short-film I saw last year came to mind. I remember that it defined the stages of relationships in an ordinal manner and, after much searching, found it online on a Tumblr site (here). Below are the stages defined by Strangers Again:
Stage 1: Meeting
It’s so pathetic to see how guys would do just about anything for the right girl. But it’ll be paid off by the time they got her number.
Stage 2: Chase
Some say this is the best part. All he wanted was to know more about her. All he wanted to do is to hangout with her. The only person he wanted to talk to is her. She was the number one priority. And every time he saw her…butterflies. She was everything that he thought that could be perfect in a girl.
Stage 3: Honeymoon
As soon as we begin our relationship, we’ll be stepping to stage 3.. This is the time when both of us can fully express our affection to each other, and do the things we wanted to do as a couple. “It was a dream come true. The girl I wanted to be so, so badly was finaly mine”
Stage 4: Comfortable
This isn’t necessarily bad, it’s when we could truly be ourselves. But it depends on what you do with that comfort. Some uses it positively, continuing to work with their relationship and grow together. But others allow it to create distance, and take each other for granted. The bottom line is…someone stops trying.The feelings aren’t as strong as before. This could happen over a few months, or few years.. Who knows?
Stage 5: Tolerance
The girl/guy he/she was crazy about has turn into someone not special anymore. We’re just tolerating each other. Arguing is one thing of feeling dissatisfied with the relationship of the other. We tried various times to try to make changes, to fix things. But like so many couples out there, it wasn’t enough. We bacame one of those relationships where, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. And it was never a good way to describe a relationship.
Stage 6: Downhill
There’s not much time left once you’re here.. The effort you try to make things work, is just not worth it anymore. Conflicts continue, arguments don’t get solved.
Stage 7: Breaking up
The end of the line. The worst stage ever.. We don’t know when it’ll happen or how, but I hope we can leave it on good, mutual terms is that’s ever possible. And this is when the two of us will start a new path, one that leads back to when we started…strangers. The change will be so drastic, so blunt, that we probably want to get it back right away. But this doesn’t always happen, and the distance will grow. Eventually, the two of us will move on or find someone new. And even if we both get over the past and try to remain friends, things will never be the same. Our lives will continue on to different directions and becoming strangers again. And everything we shared will just become fragmented memories…
As mentioned earlier, this is realistic regardless of how much I don't like it. Most relationships do seem to fall apart and, some don't even get a chance to start. It takes almost a combination of perfect timing and perfect compatibility for a first meeting to grow into something like marriage. Personally I've experienced how difficult this can be (just look under any post with the label "Mandy"). That said, I'd like to take the above stages and tweak it to take into account relationships that work so that the end result is almost like a tree diagram:
1. Meeting
2. Chase
3. Honeymoon
4. Comfortable
5. Tolerance
6. Downhill or Uphill
7. Breakup or Marriage
The main difference is that Stage 5 "Tolerance" is the climax point of the relationship (Stage 7 is essentially the beginning of a new cycle), because this is where the decision is made. The decision can be made unilaterally or bilaterally but both answer the same question: where do we go from here? The answer to this question, then, dictates how Stages 6 and 7 play out. For example, if the decision is to break up, then Stage 6 will be "Downhill" and Stage 7 will be "Breakup".
Another way to interpret this is that Stages 1-4 is quintessentially interviews (borrowing the job application process analogy) of collecting information about the other person. This is in order to test compatibility, or "chemistry" as some like to call it. Then Stage 5 comes along and a decision has to be made -- offer to take the next step further, or slowly dissolve the relationship. Although Stages 6 and 7 could be tied together, they're different in that the former is the consequence of Stage 5 while the latter can be viewed as a new action. (Once I get my hands on Microsoft Visio, maybe I can put together a nice little decision-tree diagram).
Earlier today I was having a conversation with a close friend about the stages of relationships, and this short-film I saw last year came to mind. I remember that it defined the stages of relationships in an ordinal manner and, after much searching, found it online on a Tumblr site (here). Below are the stages defined by Strangers Again:
Stage 1: Meeting
It’s so pathetic to see how guys would do just about anything for the right girl. But it’ll be paid off by the time they got her number.
Stage 2: Chase
Some say this is the best part. All he wanted was to know more about her. All he wanted to do is to hangout with her. The only person he wanted to talk to is her. She was the number one priority. And every time he saw her…butterflies. She was everything that he thought that could be perfect in a girl.
Stage 3: Honeymoon
As soon as we begin our relationship, we’ll be stepping to stage 3.. This is the time when both of us can fully express our affection to each other, and do the things we wanted to do as a couple. “It was a dream come true. The girl I wanted to be so, so badly was finaly mine”
Stage 4: Comfortable
This isn’t necessarily bad, it’s when we could truly be ourselves. But it depends on what you do with that comfort. Some uses it positively, continuing to work with their relationship and grow together. But others allow it to create distance, and take each other for granted. The bottom line is…someone stops trying.The feelings aren’t as strong as before. This could happen over a few months, or few years.. Who knows?
Stage 5: Tolerance
The girl/guy he/she was crazy about has turn into someone not special anymore. We’re just tolerating each other. Arguing is one thing of feeling dissatisfied with the relationship of the other. We tried various times to try to make changes, to fix things. But like so many couples out there, it wasn’t enough. We bacame one of those relationships where, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. And it was never a good way to describe a relationship.
Stage 6: Downhill
There’s not much time left once you’re here.. The effort you try to make things work, is just not worth it anymore. Conflicts continue, arguments don’t get solved.
Stage 7: Breaking up
The end of the line. The worst stage ever.. We don’t know when it’ll happen or how, but I hope we can leave it on good, mutual terms is that’s ever possible. And this is when the two of us will start a new path, one that leads back to when we started…strangers. The change will be so drastic, so blunt, that we probably want to get it back right away. But this doesn’t always happen, and the distance will grow. Eventually, the two of us will move on or find someone new. And even if we both get over the past and try to remain friends, things will never be the same. Our lives will continue on to different directions and becoming strangers again. And everything we shared will just become fragmented memories…
As mentioned earlier, this is realistic regardless of how much I don't like it. Most relationships do seem to fall apart and, some don't even get a chance to start. It takes almost a combination of perfect timing and perfect compatibility for a first meeting to grow into something like marriage. Personally I've experienced how difficult this can be (just look under any post with the label "Mandy"). That said, I'd like to take the above stages and tweak it to take into account relationships that work so that the end result is almost like a tree diagram:
1. Meeting
2. Chase
3. Honeymoon
4. Comfortable
5. Tolerance
6. Downhill or Uphill
7. Breakup or Marriage
The main difference is that Stage 5 "Tolerance" is the climax point of the relationship (Stage 7 is essentially the beginning of a new cycle), because this is where the decision is made. The decision can be made unilaterally or bilaterally but both answer the same question: where do we go from here? The answer to this question, then, dictates how Stages 6 and 7 play out. For example, if the decision is to break up, then Stage 6 will be "Downhill" and Stage 7 will be "Breakup".
Another way to interpret this is that Stages 1-4 is quintessentially interviews (borrowing the job application process analogy) of collecting information about the other person. This is in order to test compatibility, or "chemistry" as some like to call it. Then Stage 5 comes along and a decision has to be made -- offer to take the next step further, or slowly dissolve the relationship. Although Stages 6 and 7 could be tied together, they're different in that the former is the consequence of Stage 5 while the latter can be viewed as a new action. (Once I get my hands on Microsoft Visio, maybe I can put together a nice little decision-tree diagram).
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Importance of Sleep
You've probably heard many times from many sources about the importance of sleep. On the whole, the recommended number of hours of sleep is 7-9 hours per night (8 average). Most of the working population fall short of this recommended dosage of Zzs per night for one reason or another.
For some, it is the lack of time in due to the demands of careers or academic schoolwork. When your boss is pressing you to finish a project or an exam is to be administered the next day, most people understandably sacrifice a few hours (or all the hours...) of sleep to fulfill these tasks. The general rationale is that sleep can be "made up" in the days following the deadline. I've experienced both these reasons first hand in the recent few weeks.
While for others, it is simply due to lesser distractions that capture their attention and hold it until past bedtime. This can range from surfing the internet until the wee hours of the morning to being transfixed on an interesting novel -- again, I've been guilty of both accounts. Or it could just be watching multiple television shows.
Taken the aforementioned demographics into consideration, it is pretty clear that the second demographic is just "wasting time". (I am not trying to belittle things like internet surfing, but these activities are not very important.) But I'm going to take it a step further and argue that even for the first demographic, our perception of what is important is misplaced. In other words, sleep should be higher on the hierarchy of priorities than even career advancement and academic excellent (gasp!).
Here are some reasons why:
- Sleep deprivation leads to physiological as well as psychological changes for the worse. People tend to become moodier (aka spazz out) quicker, think and talk slower, and even doze off at inopportune times.
- Biologically speaking (I did score a 5 on my AP Bio exam...), sleep is a time where your cells recuperate and repair any damages sustained during the waking hours. Cell division (mitosis) occurs in the process. Lack of sleep deprives your body of this time to heal and refresh itself. In the long term, cells may divide quicker and more frequent as a result -- which is a negative because they do not have infinite division cycles.
- One cannot dream when one does not sleep. One of my favorite things about sleeping is the possibility of having fantastic dreams. Sometimes they can be weird but, for the most part, they're pleasant and help me think about something from another perspective.
In sum, I think there is a positive correlation between good sleep (hitting those magical 7-9 hours per night) and health. And what could be more important than health? Oftentimes, no amount of money nor academic degrees can undo permanent health issues caused by the lack of sleep.
I guess the reason for blogging on this topic is my first-hand experience (or reminder) of how important sleep is last night. For some reason, I had a severe headache yesterday evening and was barely able to finish dinner. I honestly believe I had fever. So I quickly showered and hopped (more like dragged my legs) to bed at around 9pm -- normally I go to sleep around 11:30pm. Woke up this morning feeling very much refreshed. I slept for about 9 hours, which is about 2 hours more than I have been sleeping for the past few weeks. The fever was gone and all tiredness had disappeared!
[Actually I think the reason for the headache was just physical tiredness: helped a friend moved this past Saturday, played 3 hours of football and basketball on Sunday, biked to work both Monday and Tuesday, and tried to workout on both days too...]
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