The Prime Years

For a few years now, I've been contemplative of the term "prime years" that generally refer to the "best years" of one's life. My encounters with this term has oftentimes been in the arena of professional sports, such as sports announcers or commentators talking about an athlete's prime. Prime, in the case of professional sports, refers to the the physical prime. 

But to me "prime years" is a reference that encompasses the psychological aspect as much as the physical - in short, it represents the point at which the sense of possibility is highest, the maximum potential. You can become whatever you wish to become. This isn't to say that life thereafter will all be downhill, only that one aspect or another will be diminished. If this seems a grandiose thought, then it could be be reduced to helping to view the world and one's life in a fresh perspective.

More recently, I came across this term "prime years" in the show Master of None on Netflix. The occasion was the climax of the show's first season, where the girl angrily stormed out of the boy's apartment after having lived together for 1-2 years. She accused him of wasting her prime years which, at first sounds weird, but upon reflection is very much true. The female character was in her very late twenties and probably crossed the 30-year age mark during the time she was with him. 

Not to ignite a debate about gender inequality, I do think we can all agree that for better or for worse, men have a slightly longer horizon than women when it comes to their "prime years". For example, a woman's optimal childbearing age is believed to be from her early to late twenties while a man's may extend into the early thirties. Our social norms reflect this as it is much more common to see a older man with a younger woman than the reverse. 

So how do I relate to all this? This year I'll be turning 28 and technically can no longer refer to myself as in my mid-twenties but rather in the "late twenties". It's not a huge difference on the surface, but it does mean that I'll be edging closer and closer to 30. And the number 30 conjures up this excellent TED talk I watched a while back: Meg Jay on why 30 is not the new 20. In short, I agree as much with Meg the speaker now as I did back then...if not more so. I'm a huge proponent that every age bring about something unique and the twenties is the defining decade where many decisions and habits are made and built that will reverberate across the rest of one's life. Borrowing a few of Meg's examples, most of life's major decisions such as choosing a career, a spouse, and a home are made in the decade of the twenties. The average human life expectancy may still be rising, but that we make our major life decisions in between the 20th and 30th years of our lives does not.

And boy do I have major plans for this year. Dating woes and wife-hunting uncertainties aside, I intend to start at least one business with a deeper sense of conviction that my first attempt back in 2012. I see it as an opportunity to potentially retire at the age of 40 if the business becomes successful and I'm able to grow it properly. The other side of this coin will be what to do with regards to my current employment - I'll likely be leaving to the private sector and hopefully working with a major tech company since, well, I am admittedly a huge nerd and sucker for new gadgetry. Along with both these things will come the decision on whether I'd like to move elsewhere or stay here in the DC area. I'm forever inspired by a good friend's past decision to challenger herself by moving to DC temporarily, as otherwise life back in California would been too "comfortable" and "easy".

I'd also like to build some good habits such as getting into optimal shape and having good sleep patterns. Funny-mixed-with-alarm, I have been feeling more tired as of late - at least not recovering as quickly from exhaustion or physical strain as in the past. This also aligns with a more pronounced commitment to giving back to society, not just becoming a consumer of its infinite offerings. 

All the Pieces of My Life

There are times in our lives when moments of clarity occur, when everything makes sense and you marvel at its beauty. These are instances in which we are able to transcend beyond our momentary joy, sorrow, pain, and disappointments and look at the so-called "big picture". For me, such a time as this happened yesterday as I left the office, strapped on my helmet, and proceeded to bike home. It had been an exhaustive day, compounded by the previous night's over-physical exertion at playing basketball. In short, I felt physically and mentally drained -- ready for nothing better than a long nap.

But as I climbed onto my bike and started the journey home, something amazing hit me. As I began to consider about my accomplishments and endeavors recently, I realized just how blessed a life I have lived and how blessed I have been. This thought quickly turned into a "high" that stayed with me for the rest of the evening. (Regrettably, I should have written this blog post last night instead of the day after. I don't feel exactly the same as yesterday....)

These past few months have been a trying time in my life, as I wrestled with failures/disappointments, struggled through various ordeals, and challenged to do many things. One has been the seemingly never-ending search for a new job as I am being laid off my current position. Ironically, I fully understood that it was going to be about attrition but nonetheless felt burned out from all the applying and interviewing. Despite telling myself that I would restart my job applications after returning from my recent vacation to China, I have not posted a single job application since my return. I suppose I either lowered my expectations or gave up entirely -- opting to see through the leads that I had on hand. Admittedly I had grown bitter at my current position, particularly from a perceived sense of being underutilized as well as underappreciated. The latter being highlighted after an insinuation from my manager that in spite of being in line for a promotion, that I wouldn't be because "I wasn't ready." I have been waiting to hear back from the federal government for a new position, in addition from AOL for a seemingly career-moving new role. However, both seemed to be moving very slow and I was beginning to hate the uncertainly of it all.

The second major area of struggle was with relationships with others, namely in dating. Most repeat readers of this blog now should know about the girl named "Mandy", who has left this country last year for her motherland...indefinitely. I had fallen hard for her and it was incredibly depressing at the time to have walked away with nothing but half-empty memories. In the months since, I have told myself to forget about her and move on to someone else -- striving to believe in the proverbial "plenty of fish in the sea" saying. But alas, things simply have not worked out. The girlfriend I liked the most has been someone significantly older in age and, while age wasn't absolutely, it remains a powerful determinant of our habits and thinking. In short, it eventually dawned upon both of us that we were at different stages in our lives; for her my numerous pursuits were a worrying sign of "restlessness" whereas for me, her comfort with the status quo and constant exhaustion overcame her cuteness. We broke up after about 4 months of dating and I'm single again. Since attending a coworker's wedding a week ago, the thought of what could have been with Mandy awakened bitterness that I thought was put to rest.

The third and final major area of struggle is the contrast between where I am and where I want to be. In other words, how I measured against the expectations I had cast on myself and the things that I wanted. For example, I wanted to buy a condo or a house but this likelihood is greatly diminished by the lack of capital in face of Arlington's insane real estate prices. Other examples include a new sports car, a cool dog, and being able to buy parents a lakefront house. Are you beginning to see the pattern? All these things require finances that I do not have, but deeply longing for. Since returning from China, I have visibly been thinking more about money and how to make more of it to spend. But not just spending it on myself. I long for the ability to help others in a significant manner, such as being able to lift my entire extended family out of poverty.

All three struggles or challenges articulated, now let us return to that moment of enlightenment discussed in the beginning. I think I realized something yesterday, something so profound that it affects my own opinion of the future and of my own capabilities. This thing is: endeavor coupled together with persistence. From my recent adventures on Udacity to learn about entrepreneurship, it dawned upon me that my greatest asset is a refusal to succumb to determinism. Personally, it pains me to not strive for something that I want; failures will come and it hurts like hell when I fail, but the silver lining is knowing that I tried to do something rather than doing nothing. The positive term for this is constant "self-improvement" and a lesser term is being a "perfectionist". This is the reason why I have started my own consulting company last year, and the same reason I want to open a restaurant despite a complete lack of industry knowledge and expertise.

In addition to endeavoring, I realized that I had become too focused on the things I thought I lacked and on the things that did not work out. In other words, realizing that I had become a cynic. I had increasingly mired myself with thoughts about not having achieved what I wanted, when all along there are much more important things at play. Or more importantly, there are things I did achieve. I am in a very different place where I was even a few months ago -- less naive perhaps, but a more mature and altogether better self. I discovered a resilience that I didn't know I had, as well as creativity that I believed was only found in artists. For all the things I didn't have, I still have wonderful things like a cohesive family, good health, gainful employment, and awesome friends. I think in hindsight I have made the most of the majority of the opportunities given, taken action when I could. Even when I shouldn't have, I took action and did something. Even when I failed, I learned valuable lessons.

Life, as they say, is beautiful. It is also what you make of it. Don't get caught up in the little things, nor try fruitlessly to restore karma to the world. Be open minded and strive for the things you want. As Conan said, "work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen". I'll also add something from a proverbs book I read -- "shoot for the moon, if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars".

Movie Quote: 500 Days of Summer

[Allow me to preface this blog post by announcing my return to the world of blogging. My most recent hiatus was long and unexpected, but I realized recently how much fun it was to blog. Blogging also helps me retain my writing skills which, in my line of work, I don't use too often.]

So.....500 Days of Summer. Most of us have seen it (I'm sure). It was a "comedy drama film" (so says Wikipedia) that was released in 2009 and took the world by storm. Okay. Maybe not by storm, but it certainty was a surprisingly popular film that many critics considered their vaulted Movie of the Year award. The plot was about the beginning and end of a relationship between 2 young professionals, starred by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. Joseph plays the character of Tom, a trained architect who works as an artist at a greeting card company; Zooey plays Summer, the new executive assistant to Tom's boss. 

Long story made short: they meet, like each other but Summer is non-committal and eventually breaks up with Tom. Tom falls into a depression, made worse when he learns that Summer quickly becomes engaged to another. Her reason is quite the kicker, "[I was sure with him] what I was never sure with you". Tom goes through this rhapsody of melancholy before finally sucking it up, quitting his job at the greeting card company, and returning to pursue his passion of becoming an architect. The film ends as he sets up a date with a girl named Autumn. Deja vu time, Tom?

I'm not a fan of the plot, because I feel it's depressing and doesn't really go anywhere. Tom isn't really enlightened through his experiences with Summer. It's not terrible, but not jaw-dropping either. However, I must admit that the acting by Joseph and Zooey is superb. What I did also like though, was one scene from the film in which the male characters are asked (in a mock-interview) to describe the girl of their dreams. The responses are all pretty predictable until it comes to the character of Paul, a level-headed person who has a girlfriend named Robin. Below is his long-winded but quite remarkable answer:

"I guess I just got lucky, um.. We met in Elementary School, in 7th grade we had the same class schedule, and we just clicked. You know, technically, the girl of my dreams would probably have like, a really bodacious rack, you know  probably different hair.. and yeah, you know she'd probably be a little more into sports. But, truthfully, Robin's better. Robin's better than the girl of my dreams. She's real."

What makes his response remarkable is the simplicity-yet-truthfulness behind his answer. While everyone else names qualities they idealize about for their significant other, in the end, reality is superior to the greatest fantasy one can conjure. Paul acknowledges that Robin, his girlfriend, isn't perfect...or at least could be more perfect by having the "bodacious rack" and "different color of hair". But he also takes her as a whole package, instead of trying to break her down into parts. It's the quintessential example of synergy: to Tom, Robin is desirable and attractive because of all her qualities summed up and personified together. 

Oftentimes the reason we are drawn to others is not because of their perfection in our eyes, but by their perceived flaws that makes them more like us, more....human. It's being able to like someone in spite of their imperfections, celebrating together their successes and empathizing in their failures. Because in the end, it is the experiences we have together --and not mere physical traits-- that bond one person to another. 


Some may view Paul's response as someone who settled, but I don't believe so. We all have different preferences and personal tastes, therefore it is incredibly patronizing to downplay someone else's choice. (Yes, I know Paul is a fictional character). The truth is that we don't really know what we want in a significant other. We may have vague ideas like their looks and personality, but one cannot measure things like chemistry -- even less on their whole being. While men may claim to like women like Jessica Alba and Sofia Vergara and women for the George Cloneys and Brad Pitts of the world, we like them mainly for their physical looks. Ultimately we all know that beauty cannot transcend time. As Paul says so well, the girl of my dreams is the one who is real.

Budget Discussion -- Part 2 "Eating Out vs. Cooking"

As promised previously, I am returning to the subject of budget/personal finance for this blog post. Over the next few days I will be formulating (and posting) an outline of future topics for under this category. For now, the subject will be one that has become dear to me -- the virtues of eating out vs. cooking.

First off, I think it would be good to define the terms "eating out" and "cooking". The latter is a no-brainer since it involves you buying the ingredients, and then using the cooking instruments to create something delicious (hopefully). The former, "eating out", is more complicated as there are levels. I'll say all the levels of "eating out" share similar characteristics: traveling somewhere, spending money, obtaining an already-made food product, and...eating it. But we can differentiate the levels based on cost, waiting time, healthiness, and class status. Let's describe a few examples (in an increasing order of class status):

• McDonalds -- it's cheap, quick to receive the food, but has very little class status. Labeled as a "junk food" factory. Not very healthy overall, but a few items can surprise you.
• Chipotle -- a little more expensive than McDonalds, but it's also relatively cheap for the amount of food you receive. Arguably shorter waiting time and overall with an "okay" health factor. The food is actually good quality, but the serving sizes are enormous.
• Boutique eateries such as "Sweet Green" -- I rarely venture into these but overall, these are niche restaurants similar to Chipotle but with more unique offerings. Healthiness on these tend to be very high, like "Sweet Green".
• "Fridays" and "Red Robins" -- here we wade into the area where one has to sit-in to eat at these restaurants. They are amongst the cheapest in this segment, with average waiting times, but the healthiness is questionable. Think of them as extensions of the fast-foods like McDonalds. They can be niche, but largely serve a wide variety of products. Generally speaking, any sit-down place is regarded as higher in class than otherwise.
• "Cheesecake Factory" -- the Chipotle equivalence to McDonalds, these are restaurant chains similar to Fridays, but with higher prices and a higher class status. Food is pretty good but, again, serving sizes are enormous.
• Boutique restaurants like steak-houses -- these are almost identical to the boutique eateries described above, except with the sit-down requirement. Can be regarded as even higher in status than the above, since they are specialty places.
• The five-star restaurants -- these are amongst the highest in class status, highest in prices, and often also on waiting times. I only been to one of these in recent memory and I remember it being an expensive affair. Food was average in my opinion.

For our purposes, we will stick to the first 3 tiers that I defined. The main reason is that young professionals either can't afford frequenting at the higher tiers, lack the time, or a combination of the two. The first 3 are quick, relatively inexpensive, and easy to hang out with company.

Compared to cooking, eating out (at the first 3 tiers) is advantageous in terms of time and variety. The most significant factor might be time. In order to cook, you would have to acquire all the ingredients necessary to prepare the meal, spend time cooking, and finally eating. Buying ingredients may be very time-consuming if ingredients are difficulty to come across -- and very expensive if, say, you only need a fraction of a package. When eating out, you can just place an order and...eat. A very simple two steps (obviously I am skipping the waiting part). As mentioned, you have the flexibility to pick out whatever type of food you'd like to indulge. There are (many) foods that young professional simply cannot prepare.

The advantages of eating out being laid out, what are the disadvantages? Well, the obvious one is cost. If one averages $5 per meal (a burrito is about $7 at Chipotle vs $1 McDouble at McDonalds), then the weekly cost of eating out will range from $70 to $105 -- depending on whether breakfast will be skipped. A more sensible estimate might be $90 per week. Picky eaters may raise this tab all the way to $140 per week. This total translates to $360 to $560 per month! This would be a significant expense for most young professionals. Comparatively, cooking meals and packing lunch while occasionally eating out results in a sub-$300 food budget (my own figures).

But what people often ignore is food safety or, in other words, the sanity of restaurants and other places. In most cases, a person's kitchen is much better organized and sanitary than restaurants. Eating out thus results in an externality (economist speak for "non-calculated cost") that can be very significant. Furthermore, one has little control over portion sizes and quality of the food being prepared. Returning to a previous point about cost of ingredients, how do you know the meat patties from McDonalds were not left overnight? Or the Alaskan salmon you ordered is really Alaskan salmon? You'd have to trust the restaurant to be honest in its advertisements.

Personally, I tend to cook about 3-4 times a week. Most of the time I cook a two portion-meal every other night: 1 portion to eat immediately, and another to take to work the next day. Sometimes I make so much that I save the extras as a snack. The biggest draw to cooking is the ability to learn about cooking and come to appreciate cuisine for what it is. It's also simple and cost-effective -- a good stir-fry simply requires the ingredients, a wok, and a rice cooker to make a side of rice. The results are surprisingly good.